My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
