I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
