also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize