she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he thought i was a dude.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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