Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i just sent this text using only my big toe
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
