ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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