capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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