Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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