i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
