Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
