Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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