I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
