My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
