i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
