I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
