ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
