He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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