she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
