I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
