i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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