Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
