Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
