I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
