he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
