I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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