In the future we'll all be gay
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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