Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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