FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Rumble strips road head = magical
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
