Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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