We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
