Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
