THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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