I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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