I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize