dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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