i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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