i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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