I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize