i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize