He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
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