her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
