he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
