What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
