the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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