I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I did not marry a roomba.
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