Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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