I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
