waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
