At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
