i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
