Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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