If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
