I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
