I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
