I just threw up on my dentist
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
