in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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