I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
