she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
