I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
