i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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