nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
