Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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