If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
