Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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