the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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