FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
two words...techno handjob
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
