I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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