i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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