Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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