i just wanna soil my oats bro
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
