fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
