No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
