What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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