I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
