i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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