That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
